the seven (or eight) year itch

According to wikipedia, the "seven-year itch" is a term that suggests that the happiness in a relationship declines after around year seven... The phrase originated as a name for irritating and contagious skin complaints of a long duration.

This summer, my husband and I celebrated our 8th wedding anniversary and so I thought we had dodged the dreaded seven-year itch. Well, in the midst of being utterly irritated with my husband recently, I started to itch... on my wedding ring finger! Oh, the irony.

I removed my ring to find my finger chapped, red and, like my mental state, completely irritated! Was my finger suddenly rejecting my wedding ring? Was this a sign?? Could this seven-year itch be true???

Apparently, wedding ring dermatitis is a common condition that is caused by soap build up under the ring or the allergic reaction to nickel found in white gold. 

I love my husband. I do. I am one of those rare gals who married her high school sweetheart. We made it through a long distance relationship in college, a major diagnosis and illness, the deaths of our fathers, many, many stupid arguments, and big, "That's it! It's over!" blow outs. We went from living together and thinking our quirks were cute to being married and getting on each other's nerves on a regular.

I know I make our relationship sound oh so {not} wonderful, but I do believe that all of the tough stuff has strengthened our bond even more than the good stuff (of which we have plenty as well... really!).

But, after seven to eight years, I have found that marriage can be really, really difficult. Things that used to be easy between us have become major work. We are so busy and crazed that we have to remember things like speaking to each other in a kinder tone (i.e. "Could you please put your dish in the sink, sweetie?" versus "Would you put your damn dish in the sink for once!"), kissing good bye, saying "I love you." We seem to do all of this very well with Lila. We simultaneously shower her with hugs and kisses and "I love you's" but sadly we don't always treat each other with the same amount of affection.

I could argue that we don't need to do these things because the love between us is a given. Perhaps it is displayed in more practical ways. For instance, my husband will anticipate me rushing back into the house in the morning because I have forgotten something (again) and he will be ready to pass this item into my hand (cell phone, water bottle, travel mug... car keys) like a baton, making my morning a little smoother. And, despite the fact that I am a vegetarian, I will clean, trim, and prepare my husband's chicken, gagging at the raw gross-ness, so that he has something to eat after working late. We will do these things for each other even when, at a given moment, we can't stand each other. Isn't that love? Couldn't that be considered affection?

But, when looking at my irritated finger, I realize that I can't just wear the ring and ignore what's going on underneath. Relationships need care and attention. This is something we can't ignore or take for granted because what starts as a minor irritation can quickly spread and become unbearable. 

As my finger heals, I am emailing my husband date night ideas. He is arranging the child care. In time, all will become healthy once again... and we will take good care to keep it that way.  -Tara

Peanut Butter Banana Muffins (Gluten-Free): a sweet treat despite life's difficulties

My husband has multiple sclerosis.

This has been a part of our reality since he was first diagnosed in his early 20s. At times it has been extremely difficult. Other times, personally, I seem to forget (although I'm sure he never does). The thing is, my husband, John, appears to be the picture of health. He works out six days a week and eats "clean," meaning foods that are minimally processed and mostly organic. His healthy lifestyle has contributed to minimizing (or perhaps masking) his illness. However, every now and then, I am reminded that it is still there. It creeps under the surface, threatening flare up at any moment.

A recent MRI, revealing the further progression of his illness, prompted his neurologist to insist that he reconsider resuming his medication. (He has been living medicine free for several years with little to no relapses.) A difficult pill to swallow, rather needle to inject, John has yet to take this advice. His meds sit in the box untouched while he consults with his alternative doctor who encourages a more holistic approach.

"It starts in your gut," the doctor explains. We learn there is a possible connection between gluten sensitivity and MS. There are two recommended books/articles- The Wheat Belly Diet and The Best Bet Diet, both that preach the avoidance of gluten, among other things, to maximize health.

 

If it's a natural approach, my husband is all for it. Hence, in the new year, we have begun our gluten-free journey. Although I don't neccessarily need to go gluten-free myself, I am in it to show my support (fitting into my pre-Lila skinny jeans after 2 weeks of this is really just a perk). Plus, if he's going to do this, it makes sense to limit the gluten-containing products in our house. (Who needs bread, anyways?) 

 

When it comes to his health, John adapts to changes with ease. He just does it. "I don't eat gluten anymore." That's that.

 

I whine. First day, my stomach growls with complaints. "I want a muffin!!"

 

And so, I faced my first personal challenge in this lifestyle change-- I am a baker without flour! How is this going to work? My stainless steel Kitchen-aid electric mixer looks dull and rejected with the reflection of my pitiful face.

Baking is like therapy for me. I don't think about anything else when I'm baking. I can escape into the creative process and then indulge in the delicious finished product. But the best part (not to be corny) is sharing these sweet treats with other people. When I worked at a bakery, I sometimes would peek from the back to see a child's face when her birthday cake (that I made), adorned with her favorite character, was revealed.

And I loved that my husband loved my ginger cookies and my rum cake and... now what?

Apparently, this is not as big as a problem as I thought. With a quick Google search I discovered a plethora of gluten-free baking recipes. {Sigh of relief.} I also consulted some friends who have gone gluten-free.
 

This is my first attempt at Gluten-Free Muffins, adapted from wholelifestylenutrition.com. I have to say, they are delish!

 A sweet treat for my hubby and me...

 

Peanut Butter Banana Muffins (Gluten-Free)

 

Ingredients:

• 1 cup of peanut butter
• 2 very ripe bananas (mashed)
• 2 eggs
• 1 teaspoon of vanilla
• 2 tablespoons of honey
• 1/2 teaspoon of baking soda
• 1/4 cup of ground flaxseed
• a handful of mini dark chocolate chips
• a handful of mixed nut and ground flaxseed topping
• cooking spray

Directions:

• Preheat oven to 375degrees F.
• Blend all of the ingredients together (except for the nut topping).
• Spray muffin tins with cooking spray (I use a mini-muffin pan).
• Scoop in batter, 3/4 full. Sprinkle with the nut/flax topping.
• Bake for about 10 minutes (Caution- keep a close eye on them. They bake quickly).

Health is wealth.
-Tara


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Top 10 Valentine's Gifts That We Really Want

Every Christmas, I find adorable, practical, or yummy little surprises to stuff into Lila’s and my husband’s stockings. And every Christmas, my stocking is empty. Don’t get me wrong, my husband is a great gift-giver, but he’s not into the extra niceties that I take pride in. I’ve learned not to expect a card and I know that my gift may or may not be wrapped, (it might still be in the bag from the store) but it is always very much appreciated— like the Keurig I use on a daily basis or my Uggs that I practically live in. My husband’s good like that. He pays attention. He usually knows just what would be the perfect gift.

One exception was this past Christmas when we decided instead of exchanging big gifts we would ONLY do stocking stuffers. Lila, of course, had a room full of presents and, the sweetheart that she is, noticed that none were labeled for mommy or daddy.

Mid-paper-tearing, she paused and began to worry—“Didn’t Santa bring you anything?”

“Of course! Santa put our gifts in our stocking this year!”

For Lila’s enjoyment, I exaggerated my excitement as I pulled my “surprise” out of my stocking from my thoughtful husband. It was lacy and red-- Victoria’s Secret?!

Lila was confused. “Mama! Santa brought you… underwear!?!?!”

Nice. A little warning would have been appreciated.

So, now that another gift-giving holiday is just days away, I thought I would share the Top 10 Gifts that moms (or at least this mom) would really want for Valentine’s Day.

10) Nothing. A whole day of nothing! No cleaning, cooking, prepping, packing, wiping up, picking up, loading/unloading… you get the picture. I would love a little time totally by myself.

9) Pampering. A mani and pedi, massage, facial... any spa service is a wonderful, relaxing indulgence! (Well, not any spa service—a Brazilian wax or anything of the sort? Not a good suggestion.)

8) A yummy meal at home. There’s nothing sweeter than a guy who cooks. Breakfast or dinner, even if it’s something simple, sitting down at a nicely set table and being served (and not having to clean up afterwards) scores major brownie points.

7) Something sweet, but special. Chocolate? Yes, please; but preferably not from the local drug store. How about a specialty chocolate shop or a fancy bakery? If you are going to give a box of chocolates or another sweet treat, it should be something irresistible and worth the calories.

6) A custom photo anything. Maybe because I am still a fairly new mom, I love a cute photo of my ‘lil family on a mug, key chain, mouse pad, whatever. Corny as it is, who doesn't like a picture of their sweeties?

5) Something delivered. When the flower delivery guy enters the room, guaranteed every gal in the office perks up and wonders “Are those for me?” This is an easy one and a bit cliché, but it’s sort of charming and reminiscent of the wooing before marriage.

4) A carefully selected card. Trying to find the perfect card takes time. Since we know this, opening a card that expresses the right thing at the right moment in the best way is like gold. Funny or mushy, flowery or short and sweet, it must be sincere and sound like “you.”

3) Something from the little one. I love it when Lila and my husband secretly go out and get mommy a surprise. Something that Lila picked out or something handmade, I just adore the idea that my husband helped her to find a special gift. This is definitely a way to evoke happy tears and to win big hugs and kisses.

2) A real date. My husband pretty much sees me in three types of clothing—work attire, yoga pants, and PJs. It’s nice to dress up once in a while and go out like adults do. A real date, like before we were married, at a restaurant that doesn’t have a kids menu and coloring pages, is so appreciated.

1) A weekend away. I’m a sucker for cute little B&B’s and in New England we don’t have to go far to enjoy a romantic getaway that doesn’t cost much. When I’m home there is always something that needs to be done, cleaned, put away—the only way I can truly relax and spend some QT with the hubby is to just get away for a night!